


What Am I To You?

by chynnawrites



Series: With Arms Wide Open [4]
Category: Sebastian Stan - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hidden pain, Pain, Secrets, Slapping, references to the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 17:12:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11445354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chynnawrites/pseuds/chynnawrites
Summary: Our lovebirds get into one of their biggest disagreements yet, all over a long kept secret.





	What Am I To You?

We were cleaning out one of the spare bedrooms in the house so we could decorate and set it up for when Aiden and Genevieve came to live with us. Sebastian had left me to clean while he went and grabbed Chinese food for lunch. That’s when I found the shoebox full of pictures.

I went downstairs and sat on the couch, weeping as I looked over these pictures. The girl in them looked so much like me. Brown hair. Brown eyes. And yet, something about her was so different. They looked so…happy. I scrambled to gather the pictures when I heard the door shut, stuffing some of them in my back pocket before walking into the kitchen to greet him.

“Hey, baby.” I murmured, leaning against the frame of the entryway. He smiled at me and pulled out the takeout containers. He came over and hugged me, his hands going to my butt. My body tensed as he pulled out the pictures from my pocket. He backed away as he looked at them, his hands shaking.

“You guys look like a lovely couple.” It was all I managed to get out while trying to conceal my breaking voice.

“Rin.” He looked up at me from the pictures, his face mixed with shock and fondness. “Where did you find these?” He asked, his eyes lingering on the top picture. The two people, one of them a younger Sebastian, looked so happy.

“In a battered old shoebox in the room we’re supposed to be fixing up for Genevieve.” I responded coldly. “Who is she?” I asked, fighting back tears.

“Her name is Alexandra. We dated in high school.” He replied, the corners of his mouth turning into a smile as he reminisced. “She was the first girl I ever loved.” He added with a chuckle. I felt my eyes start to burn at that comment and my hands clenched. My nails dug into my palms, almost drawing blood.

“You never got over her, did you? Is that...” I paused, trying to catch my breath. “Is that why you never told me about her? Is-is that why you still have these pictures?” My voice shook as much as my body when I finally brought my eyes up to see him. The way his lips curled and his eyes lit up broke my heart.

“Corinne, I can explain.” Sebastian started, setting the pictures down on the kitchen counter.

“No. Don’t bother. I get it. You still love her. That’s why I never knew about her. I knew about all the others, but never her. Because I was just a stand-in for her, right?” It took all the will I had in my body to hold back the tears.

“No. You’ve never been a stand-in. You’re my wife.” He tried to explain.

“Then why not fucking tell me?!” I shouted, finally reaching my breaking point.

“Because, I-I…” I watched him stutter and stammer, searching for a legitimate response.

“You couldn’t get over her. You weren’t able to marry the woman you truly loved, so you married someone that looked like her. Talked like her. You married a stand-in, Sebastian.” I paused, looking at my feet before meeting his eyes. “You married me.” I finished in a broken voice.

“I married you because I love you, Corinne. I have since the day I met you.” Sebastian whispered.

“But you don’t. You don’t love me like you love her.” I cried, my body overcome with pain.

“No, I don’t. I never will. I was in high school when I was with her. She was the first GIRL I ever loved.” He enunciated, almost shouting the words at me. “But then, I grew up. I met you. And you’re going to be the last WOMAN I’ll ever love.” He tried to assure me, reaching a hand toward me. I backed away to keep him from touching me, my back hitting a wall in the kitchen.

“You never told me about her! What am I supposed to the think when I’m working on the room for one of the children WE are supposed to adopt and I find shoebox of pictures of I girl I’ve never seen before?!” I shouted before sliding down the wall. My body collapsed, shaking as tears streamed down my face. I couldn’t bear to look at him.

“Corinne, I’m sorry. I should have told you. I just didn’t think it would have mattered that much.” Sebastian said quietly as he came closer. Suddenly, the feelings of betrayal and rage bubbled as sadness melted away. My heart wrenched at his words as I stood up, glaring at him.

“Y-you what?” I asked through gritted teeth. “You told me that you’ve never loved anyone the way you love me. And you lied. You didn’t think it would matter for me to know that all this time I’ve been competing for your heart?” I huffed, my fist opening. I flexed, trying my best not to smack the living daylights out of him.

“You’re overreacting. I…” He started before my open palm made contact with his face. My hand stung from the impact.

“I’M OVERREACTING?!” I shouted, the volume making him flinch as he rubbed his reddened cheek. “Don’t you DARE tell me I’m overreacting, Sebastian. You kept a secret from me!” I screamed and cried. My hand reached for the first available thing on the counter, which just happened to be a container of rice.

“You asshole!!” I cried as I threw it. My body collapsed again, overcome with anguish. The only man I ever truly loved kept something so important from me for so long.

I barely heard his footsteps as he walked away, my heart pounding in my ears. He left me crying in the kitchen for an hour. It felt like my heart had been shattered and my soul had been ripped to shreds. I finally got my bearings and quietly made my way upstairs, trying to avoid seeing my husband. I texted Charlie, asking her to pick me up while I packed an overnight bag. She replied and told me she’d be there in a few minutes. I snuck outside, not knowing that Sebastian was standing in the driveway. He was leaning against the car and had a cigarette in hand. He started to speak as Charlie pulled in the driveway, but the sight of my middle finger shut him up quickly.

“Corinne, I…” It was all he could get out before I got in the car.

“Fuck you!” I shouted out the window as Charlie pulled out. “Charlie, if I didn’t love him so damn much, I probably could have killed him.” I told my sister as she drove.

“I say you would have had every right. What he did was just wrong.” She told me in a confident voice. “I’m so sorry, honey.” She added and rested her hand on my shoulder.

“Thanks.” I mumbled as she pulled into the driveway.

“I must say, that was quite a handprint Sebastian had on his face.” She chuckled, grabbing grocery bags out of the back seat.

“He told me I was overreacting. What was I supposed to do?” I explained and saw Charlie’s lips curl into a sly smile. We walked into the house and went to the kitchen, setting down the bags.

“It’s okay. Kevin learned the hard way that you don’t tell a Winters woman she’s overreacting. I believe it was in a similar fashion to the way Sebastian learned today.” Charlie chuckled as Kevin came in and kissed her cheek.

“Never doing that again.” Kevin commented before giving me a hug. “Charlie told me. I’m sorry.” He added with a kind smile.

“He’s such an asshole. Why wouldn’t he tell me about this girl?” I wondered aloud.

“No sense thinking about it now. Right now, we’re going to make tacos. And then, we’re going to eat tacos and have a Disney marathon. Because you don’t need to worry about him.” She stated as I started to get stuff out for dinner. “Oh no, you don’t. You’re going to go take a shower and change into your pajamas. I’ll make the food.” She fussed and ushered me out of the kitchen playfully.

I went to the guest bedroom and set my bag down before going to shower. It wasn’t often I stayed with my sister and her husband, but when I did I always felt welcome. I turned on the shower and noticed my sister had put my favorite shampoo and body wash for me to use, the ones I’d loved since I was in college. I smiled at the kindness she’d been showing me, realizing that my family was always there when I needed them. Especially when my husband wasn’t. My mind wandered to Sebastian and then to the girl in the pictures. I felt the tears start to burn my eyes all over again and I quickly wiped them away when I heard Charlie shout that dinner was ready.

“Coming!” I shouted back and quickly got dressed. I braided my hair and ran downstairs. “Smells lovely.” I commented as Charlie handed me a plate.

“Thank you. Mom’s recipe.” She chuckled and brought her plate into the living room. “So, what Disney movie should we watch first? Or do I already know the answer to that?” She asked with a wry smile and dipped a chip into the bowl of salsa Kevin had setting on the coffee table.

“I think you already know the answer.” I answered and took a bite as she pulled up Lilo & Stitch.

“Oh and uh, he called you.”  Kevin told me as he handed me my phone. Twelve missed calls from “My Love”.

“Thank you, Kevin.” I whispered, my breathing hitched. We watched the movie and ate quietly, doing my best not to listen to the voicemails and read the text messages. I made it through the movie and stood up, walking outside with my phone.

The voicemails ranged, starting with calm. Then angry. I could hear the pure rage in his voice that I wasn’t answering his calls. Finally, he sounded so hurt. So discouraged. So broken. One of the voicemails was him sobbing and repeating the words ‘I’m sorry’. I finally broke down and called him, my voice stone cold as he answered.

“Oh my God. Thank you for calling me back, Corinne.” He told me. I could hear the happiness mixing with pain in his voice.

“I only called you back because I didn’t want you to keep fucking bothering me, Sebastian.” I told him harshly.

“Corinne, listen to me. What I said today. About you. About…her.” He paused, avoiding saying the name of the woman who caused us to fight like this. “I’ve never loved a woman the way I love you. I never could. I’ve dreamed of you since I was little. Every other girl was a mile marker on my road to you.” He told me through broken sobs.

“Sebastian.” I muttered. I couldn’t handle to hear him talk like this.

“No, Corinne. I need to say this.” He told me firmly before continuing. “You’ve had my heart long before I knew you. I look back to all the girls I’ve ever been attracted to. Not one of them handles me the way you can. You know just when to leave me be. You know when to hold me. You just know. I’m yours and I have been my whole life.” He whispered the ending, pleading with his voice.

“I love you, Sebastian. I love you so much.” I cried into the phone, slowing sitting down on my sister’s front porch. I sat there, shaking and holding my knees as I cried into the phone.

“I love you too, Corinne. More than you can ever know.” He murmured and I could her the smile in his voice. “Please come home.” He was almost begging, ready to break.

“I can’t. Sebastian, I need time.” I tried to reason with myself that I couldn’t go back there yet.

“Would it help if we burned the pictures? I know you love yourself a good bonfire.” He chuckled. I could see him biting his lip like he always did when he came up with a plan to make me happy.

“I get to throw them in to the fire. I want to see them burn. And I want to know that you don’t have copies hidden somewhere.” I said firmly, wiping away the tears.

“I swear on my mother’s life I don’t have any more photos.” Sebastian couldn’t have sounded more sincere and serious. That wasn’t something he would say if he didn’t mean it.

“Alright. Come to Charlie’s and pick me up. If you’re smart…” I started before Sebastian interrupted.

“I’ll bring coffee and Reese’s?” He finished my sentence with a chuckle. “Don’t worry, regina mea. The queen shall have what she desires. I’ll see you in thirty minutes, okay?” He asked. I heard him gathering his stuff and smiled.

“I’ll see you soon.” I responded and hung up the phone before walking back into my sister’s house.

“Why the hell did you call him, Corinne?” Charlie scolded me as I walked in the door.

“He’s my husband. I can’t just ignore him. I had originally called him to tell him not to call me anymore. But, Charlie, if you had heard what he said. How he said it.” I explained and went upstairs to pack up my stuff.

“Rin. What makes you think he doesn’t have copies hidden somewhere?” Charlie asked as I changed my clothes. I slipped on my t-shirt and smiled at the idea of watching the pictures turn from glossy printed paper to ashes.

“What’s my favorite thing to do when I want to get rid of something?” I asked my sister as I slipped on my jeans.

“You love burning stuff.” She responded. She looked at me with confusion as I undid my braid and brushed my hair.

“Exactly. And he’s promised on his mother’s life these were the only copies. He wouldn’t say something like that if it wasn’t true.” I grabbed her hands and pressed my forehead to hers. “I promise you, I know what I’m doing.” I assured her quietly, kissing her cheek.

“I hope so. I do. I just don’t want him to hurt you. If I have to, I’ll kill him.” Charlie laughed as she hugged me tight.

“Oh, you know that if he hurts me, you won’t have a chance to kill him.” I giggled and saw him pull up to the house out of the window. I opened the window as he got out of the car, holding a king-sized Reese’s and iced coffee from Starbucks.

“I come with an apology and gifts for the only woman I could ever love.” Sebastian shouted with a smile. I grinned and shut the window before grabbing my bag and running downstairs and out the door. I ran into his arms and he held me tight, kissing me gently.

“I’m so sorry I slapped you, Sebastian.” I whispered as my feet touched the ground.

“I won’t tell you didn’t hurt, because it hurt like hell. But I will say I deserved it. I probably deserved something more than that for all of this, but I think I got off easy.” He told me with a small smile.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. I might have some plans for you after we burn these pictures.” I chuckled, walking over to the car and putting my bag in the trunk. “Now give me that coffee. I need to have caffeine to deal with you.” I giggled and took the coffee and chocolate from him as he helped me into the car.

We started home, barely talking as he drove. Music played on the radio, but neither of us could sing along. It just didn’t feel right. He pulled into the driveway and got out to grab my bag from the trunk. He laced his hand with mine as we walked in the door. He set my bag down and lead me outside to the fire pit. He went and grabbed the pictures as I started a fire. He came back out to me grinning like an idiot and basking in the rising fire.

“Sometimes it scares me how much you like seeing things burn, Corinne.” He commented as he handed me the pictures. I threw one in and watched the paper catch, the memory fading and bringing me one step closer to peace of mind.

“Tell me it doesn’t give you some satisfaction to know we won’t have these looming and nagging at us.” I remarked as I threw another in. The way the flickering flames grew filled me with an inexplicable joy.

“I admit, it does make me happy to know that we can’t fight over this again.” He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. I finished throwing the pictures in and turned to him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

“Now that that’s settled, why don’t you put out that fire and come upstairs? Because I plan to make you pay for the pain you caused me today.” I ordered, watching him jump up. I walked away and went up to our room, planning just exactly what he would be doing and for how long with a smirk.


End file.
